In the last five years Nigel Farage, the far-right Reform MP in absentia for Clacton and next UK prime minister in waiting, has earned £374,893 by working for Cameo, which is an online greetings service and not the enduring American funk band. Although were Nigel Farage to perform the classic 1986 hit Word Up! alongside the group while wearing skin-tight black leather and a red codpiece, it would at least go some way to counter the allegations of racism that have unfairly dogged him since he used to hiss “Gas the Jews!” at fellow students at school in the 1980s (according to over three dozen witnesses). Bernard Manning! Bernard Manning!! Bernard Manning!!!

For the Cameo service, Farage reads out personal messages given to him by…